I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
