I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
