No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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