Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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