I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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