He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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