I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize