Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
