Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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