Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
