I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
