I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
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I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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