If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
As shirtless as possible
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
