woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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