I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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