SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And then my night got REAL pukey
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
