im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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