i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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