doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
