my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
