mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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