Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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