Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
