Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
