dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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