you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
