you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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