she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
