i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
