what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
