sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
