Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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