I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
