THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
