That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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