.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Alive.
So much puke
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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