i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
