you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
