They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
