You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
