I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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