you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
