I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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