I could have mohawked her pubes.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize