my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
