Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
