i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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