well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
