I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He shit in the fireplace
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
