I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
