Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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