i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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