I will die if light touches me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize