The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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