Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
