She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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