Sorry, I don't speak sober.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
