i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
