This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
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i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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