Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
