covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
