Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
